SEO Vanity Contest Winner

by Greg on October 23, 2007

I know I’m way behind announcing the winner, but I didn’t think of the fact that I’d have to provide some explanation for each answer. (I should have never done 50)

Anyway, the grand prize winner was Kris Farmer  from RazorGator. Kris has been a regular listener of the extremely irregular Rockstar show, and also has been present at a few of the episodes that inspired some of the plates. That combination gave him just enough edge out Rebecca Kelley and Laura Lippay for the number one spot.

So without further ado, here are all the answers:

  1. CUTTLET - Harith. I don’t know much about Harith other than he is an SEO from Denmark. But the one thing I do know about him is that he is definitely the biggest Matt Cutts fan in the world. If you spend any time at all browsing through Matt’s archives, you’ll see that Harith not only has commented on every single post Matt has ever written, his comments are consistently in the first three made on every post, and quite often, the very first. Anyone who puts that much effort into monitoring a single blog deserves a vanity plate that tells the world about their obsession.
  2. SPAMKILR - Matt Cutts. One of the reasons Harith loves Matt so much is because Harith hates web spam, and Matt is the web’s super hero who has devoted his life to killing spam.
  3. SEOWIFE - Barbara Boser. This is the plate that started this whole nightmare. I just couldn’t stand looking at her current plate (LOL TTYL) any longer.
  4. XPILSPAM - Todd Friesen. I couldn’t come up with a plate for Corporate Bitch, so I thought I’d go with ex pill spammer instead.:)
  5. EVILSEO - Keith Hazelden. I know there are many people who don’t know Keith. That’s because in the 10 years he’s been attending SEO conferences, I don’t think he’s ever went to a single session, or for that matter, even entered the conference hall. In order to meet Keith, you’ll have to find the darkest corner, in the seediest bar that looks like you might hear some Motorhead when you walk inside. If you see him, walk up and use the code words "Ace of Spades" and you’ll have a good chance of spending the rest of the night doing Yeager shots.
  6. HATESEO - Jason Calacanis.
  7. I (HEART)SEMIN - Jessica Bowman. Jessica loves to talk about Inhouse SEM. So much so, that she went and started a blog about it. Unfortunately, the domain inhousesem.com must have been taken, so she decided to register seminhouse.com instead. Shortly after, she realized that it kinda looked like it said semen house. Several of us thought that was funny as shit, so I decided a plate declaring her love for Semin would be a great idea.
  8. WURNUM2 - Tim Mayer. The infamous Ricky Bobby once said "If you’re not first, you’re last!" I think that statement applied to the world of search is pretty accurate. Still, it’s important to keep a positive attitude, so you might as well pretend to the world that you’re proud to be number 2.
  9. I(HEART)2DRINK - Chris Hooley. I know - there are a lot of people in the world of search who love to drink, but Chris REALLY loves to drink.
  10. 1DUMASS - Rose Desrochers. The inspiration for the Dumbass Button.
  11. RNDSMOM - Gillian Muessig. If you’ve ever been in a large group of SEO types where introductions are being made, you will have noticed that Gillian almost always gets introduced as Rand’s Mom. I know that Gillian is very proud of Rand, so I’m sure she’d love the plate.
  12. BIGNIPS - Rebecca Kelley. When Rebecca isn’t writing for the squeaky clean, never controversial SEOMoz blog, she spends her time writing for a potty mouth pop culture rag for mildly retarded people. The coolest thing about her moonlighting gig is that she gets to express her true feelings about all kinds of annoying things. One of which is oversized areolas.
  13. CMENUDE - Vanessa Fox. Thanks to Dave, Vanessa will be forever tied to the concept of being naked. So why not embrace it with a vanity plate?
  14. HATCHIK - Li Evans. A long time ago, I commented on a spat between Li and Chris over link bait originality. At the end of that post, I referred to Li as the "Hat Chick."
  15. FLWRBOY - Matt Inman. The now ex-SEOMoz designer responsible for the infamous flower logo.
  16. IMBLND - Becky Ryan. I know that the plate looks like it’s supposed to say I’m Blind, but it’s actually supposed to be I’m Blond. But that’s exactly why I picked it. It’s a perfect example of something Becky might actually do.:)
  17. BICHSLP - Lisa Barone. Every now and then, I’m a complete ass hole. The day I wrote a post about wanting to bitch slap Lisa Barone was one of those days. In my defense, at the time, it didn’t feel like Iwas being an ass because I hadn’t ever met Lisa and I had a picture of a crusty old curmudgeon in my head. (Because she works for Bruce). Turns out she’s a sweet young kid. And the first person to point out what an ass I had been was Barbara.
  18. FOOKYEA - Dave Naylor. If you’ve ever had more than a single beer with Dave, you would have been able to answer this one.
  19. IINDIAN - Neil Patel. He’s the absolutely worst Werewolf player ever, but he’s the King of self-deprecating humor. I don’t think you can be around Neil for more than 5 minutes without hearing him crack some kind of joke about the fact that he is Indian.
  20. CRAYSEE - Cesar Serna. When I first made the plates, Cesar had just launched a new blog at http://www.craysee.com. The design made use of a cool "tagger" font that was indeed craysee. Unfortunately, you can’t see it because Cesar decided to go down a different path, so he redirected the domain to cesarserna.com.
  21. GOOGH8R - Michael Gray. I know there are a lot of Google haters in the world, but none of them pull it off with the amount of style Michael does. If you don’t believe me, just download the greatest powerpoint presentation of all time and see for yourself.
  22. YLWPMAS - Rand Fishkin. The list wouldn’t be complete without taking the time to acknowledge Rand’s obnoxious yellow shoes.
  23. IAMFROG - Dave Pasternack. Yes, I still refuse to link to Frog Boy.
  24. FCKTARD - Scott Willoughby Scott and I share a fascination with the word Fucktard. To me, it’s possibly the greatest word ever. Scott gets that, so he also gets a plate.
  25. LNKNNJA - Jim Boykin. The one guy that gets the limitations of bait pirates.
  26. IMSYLAR - Cameron Olthuis. Barbara loves the TV show "Heroes" and thinks that Cameron looks a lot like the character Sylar.
  27. IWASBIG - Jeremy Schoemaker. I’ve always admired Jeremy’s willingness to speak so openly about his past battles with his weight. Clearly, all those experiences have played a huge role in his career. He may be a lot smaller physically, but he is bigger than ever figuratively.
  28. 1OLDSEO - Bruce Clay. I’m pretty sure Bruce will be the first working SEO to begin collecting Social Security benefits.
  29. IMISSOC -Danny Sullivan. You’ll notice that it doesn’t say "I Miss the OC." That’s because people from Orange County don’t actually call it "The Orange County."
  30. BLKAMEX - Brian Prince. It was interesting reading all the answers for this one. Especially all the people that think Neil’s Black Amex is real.
  31. CRCSGRL - Laura Lippay. Most know her as that slightly whacked, soon-to-be-married Yahoo SEO chick. But before she stumbled into our world, she worked as a stunt skater for Ringling Bros. I can’t tell you how cool it is to actually know a retired circus performer.
  32. WAREAMI - Mike Grehan. There’s no one in our industry that has logged more frequent flyer miles than Mike. If you ever get a chance, ask him how many times he’s woken up in a hotel room and not been quite sure where he was at.
  33. WMNISER - Thomas Bindl. Don’t let the goofy little German thing fool you. Thomas is the ultimate womanizer.
  34. ASKNOMR - Paul Gardi. Since leaving IAC/ASK Paul has literally vanished off the face of the earth. I did hear a rumor that he’s hanging out in the Hamptons waiting for some wind so he can learn how to kite surf, but I haven’t a clue what he’s been up to professionally.
  35. 1UPBUTT - Dax Herrera. OK, he doesn’t actually have something up his butt, but he does have a Mario 1UP mushroom tattooed on his butt. And if you were fortunate enough to be attending the Google party at SMX Seattle last June, you probably got to see it.
  36. HOTKIWI - Jane Copland. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Jane’s from New Zealand and she resembles Charlize Theron.
  37. WANMANN - Brent Csutoras. Weird Asia News is one of those sites that contributes greatly to the decline in worker productivity in the US. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I almost always find my self spending some time each day reading about the latest whacky shit from Asia.
  38. ICACKLE - Heather Lloyd-Martin. The only thing more overpowering (and entertaining) than Heather’s professional speaking voice is her laugh. When you hear it for the first time, you think it’s some type of audio illusion because there just isn’t any way such a sound could be coming from such a tiny person.
  39. LUVBACN - Jeff Rohrs. Most people know Jeff as the author of the Sausage Manifesto, but that’s not his only manly meat related site. He’s also the author of Six Degrees of Bacon.
  40. TYPEFST - Barry Swartz. There are times in a session where it actually feels like Barry is typing what you say before you actually say it. Without question, he’s the Grandfather of "Live Blogging."
  41. CMEPUKE - Elisabeth Osmeloski. I was completely amazed by the number of different people who have engaged in public vomiting at a search marketing conference. I picked Elisabeth for this plate because a) there have been multiple occurrences, and b) CMEPOLEDANCE wouldn’t fit. :)
  42. CORNBOY - Brett Tabke. Not only is Brett from the great state of Iowa (where they grow a lot of corn) he also at one time in his career did some quality spammin’ & jammin’ for a well-known manufacturer of farming equipment.
  43. VAPRISE - I’m actually not going to name this person because the plate has to do with the regular use of a very special piece of equipment. But I will say that most of you who answered this one were correct.
  44. REDDANE - Mikkel DeMib Svendsen. He’s Danish, and he’s absolutely in love with that fuckin’ red suit.
  45. MSTRB8R - Todd Mailcoat. Many claim to be Master Baiters, but few can actually walk the walk. Todd gets this plate because he not only can walk the walk, he’s actually the person who originally coined the term.
  46. SEODSNY - Jennifer Slegg. OK, she doesn’t actually do SEO for Disney, but she did start an SEO blog this year, and she is an absolute Disney freak.
  47. TUBDICK - Allan Dick. Allan is the only guy in the world that could make selling bathtubs on online hip. And if he every decided to leave his job a Vintage Tub & Bath, he could easily become a professional party planner, or even a game show host.
  48. LUVGOAT - Daron Babin. If you ever get an opportunity to spend a few minutes with Daron, make sure you ask him to tell you the "shave the goat" story.
  49. JOGUIDO - Joe Morin. The first time I ever met Joe, I just couldn’t get over how much he reminded me of a mafia gangster.
  50. WWWMKTG - Greg. I threw the bonus plate in to give those that have actually shown up for a Beer Friday an opportunity to be rewarded for their efforts. And it turned out to have worked. Rebecca was actually ahead in points, but Kris got the bonus plate, which pushed him over the top. If Rebecca had ever followed through on any of the multiple invitations we’ve extended to her, she would have clearly been the winner.

So th
at’s it. I promise, I’ll never ever do this again. But I do want to thank Brett for donating the passes to PubCon. Even if you didn’t win, I’d strongly suggest you attend. It truly is one of the best shows of the year.

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{ 1 trackback }

Search Engine Land: News About Search Engines & Search Marketing
October 24, 2007 at 11:56 am

{ 11 comments }

Rebecca Kelley October 24, 2007 at 10:35 am

Damn it all! Effin’ Beer Friday! Do I at least get a consolation prize?

Greg October 24, 2007 at 11:04 am

I think there’s a good chance we’ll save you a seat in the party bus. But then again, that seat might go to someone who takes the initiative to visit SoCal. :)

kid disco October 24, 2007 at 11:04 am

Damn, I thought I did pretty good, but I only got 34/50. It was fun, though! Do it again! Do it again!

How many did the winner get right?

Kris Farmer October 24, 2007 at 11:10 am

I am honored to win this competition, especially since the runners-up both had their very own plates.

BIGNIPS
CRCSGRL

If you had told me that one day you will be in a contest and barely beat out “Circus Girl” and “Big Nips” I wouldn’t have imaged it being and SEO contest - I think I would have painted a slightly different picture in my mind :)
Thanks Greg! Looking forward to Vegas!!

Jane October 24, 2007 at 11:33 am

Jeeze, Boser, this contest took some work! These are very imaginative.

And Scott is indeed a FCKTARD :D

Rebecca Kelley October 24, 2007 at 3:54 pm

Damn damn damn…okay, I’ll visit the clan in So Cal soon, as soon as it stops burning. Now do I get to hang with the Boser crew? I’m a judge for Shoemoney’s contest, so I at least have to hang out with fellow judge Dax (or that’s what I’m telling myself, anyway)…

the other greg October 24, 2007 at 5:02 pm

#43 has me intrigued…

Brent Csutoras October 26, 2007 at 12:50 am

You can keep the prizes… Greg Boser reads my blog every damn day suckers..

Booooyaaaa!

Vanessa Fox October 26, 2007 at 1:40 pm

I take the initiative to visit socal! I didn’t answer any of these though, because I’m very lazy.

Greg October 26, 2007 at 1:52 pm

You know, when I really think about it, I should have made you the winner just for not getting arrested in my car. :)

lauralippay November 12, 2007 at 1:42 pm

To be fair, Derek Chew and I put our heads together on this one, and to be honest, I think Rebecca and Derek and I should stalk Greg & Kris’s party bus…

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